Why the hell can’t I just have a few???

I decided to try and keep this blog going, after talking to a few blog owners and getting to understand more how to really handle writing a blog.

I am feeling a bit depressed today, and mostly angry at myself for not being able to go out and have a few pints.  That was the point of last night – meet up with my buddy Al, and we’d go out for a nice dinner and a few beers.  Dinner ended up being crappy nachos, and a few beers ended up being….well, let me try and tally.  At least 5 pints at the Merchants, and then 2 pitchers at the Iron Duke.  Then back to his place where we drank a whole bunch of vodka frozen drinks, and had a bunch of liquers(including peach snapps!)  To top the night off, we did a bunch of lines and I didn’t get home till 7am.

I woke up today about 3pm and really I don’t feel that hungover or anything, just big time regretful over what an idiot I was last night doing all that crap.  I should’ve had a few pints, relaxed and hung out with my friend then came home and woke up feeling good – instead I wake up at 3pm majorly anxious and just freaking out.  And so yet again I’ll go through my “I don’t drink” phase for about 5-6 months, then undoubtedly do all this again, fucking myself up just as bad as before.

I’ve no idea if this falls under the category of alcoholism, but I do know that I am just a fucking idiot and can’t keep doing this every few months.  Yet on the other hand I should be able to say “Well it was a fun night, lets move on” but I can’t – I hate myself for being that way and doing those things, and beat myself up over it.  Sigh.