So the other day I noticed I had a zit on my ass – to be entirely accurate, at the very top of my ass crack.
No biggie I thought, and made sure to wash extra hard in that area during my next showers.
Well unfortunately the zit didn’t go away. It grew. It has now grown in 3 days to the size if almost a golf fucking ball, has me in tons of pain, and I can’t even sit down anymore. I can’t even lie on my back, which means I have to do work during sex 🙁
So yeah – it was getting a bit concerning. So like any human being, rather than calling the doctor I google it. Now when you google “lump on top of your ass crack” you don’t really expect there to be any relative results – but sure enough, there is a ton of webpages about it….
ON A SKIN CANCER WEBSITE.
Oh great I thought – I have fucking cancer, and it isn’t even the cool kind! So anywy I click through, and based on what I read, lots of people get them, and it is actually a “pilonidal cyst”.
I read on treatment for it, assuming it actually is that, and apparently the only option is to go under general anesthetic and get fucking surgery. I will never ever do that in a million years, as doctors and family have been after me to get my tonsils removed for years, and I know if I ever go under they’ll secretly yank out my glorious tonsils like the cunts they are.
So yeah – fack. It really sucks because I can’t sit down at all without being in tons of pain, so I went to my wonderful wife for sympathy. “Honey”, I said. “I have this huge lump on my ass crack.” I should note that we were having a makeout session at the time – probably not the best turn-on.
Anyway she checks it out, saying stuff like “gross”, and I tell her it may be a cyst and have to go for surgery bla bla. First thing she says?
“Good maybe they’ll pull your tonsils out at the same time,”
So Risto if you’re reading – next time you come over bring over a screwdriver or some pliers because we’re gonna pop this fucker ourselves.
And no – before anyone says it – I am NOT growing a fucking tail.