A lump at the top of my ass crack!

Posted by Scotsman on May 23, 2009 in Life |

So the other day I noticed I had a zit on my ass – to be entirely accurate, at the very top of my ass crack.

No biggie I thought, and made sure to wash extra hard in that area during my next showers.

Well unfortunately the zit didn’t go away.  It grew.  It has now grown in 3 days to the size if almost a golf fucking ball, has me in tons of pain, and I can’t even sit down anymore.  I can’t even lie on my back, which means I have to do work during sex 🙁

So yeah – it was getting a bit concerning.  So like any human being, rather than calling the doctor I google it.  Now when you google “lump on top of your ass crack” you don’t really expect there to be any relative results – but sure enough, there is a ton of webpages about it….


Oh great I thought – I have fucking cancer, and it isn’t even the cool kind!  So anywy I click through, and based on what I read, lots of people get them, and it is actually a “pilonidal cyst”.

I read on treatment for it, assuming it actually is that, and apparently the only option is to go under general anesthetic and get fucking surgery.  I will never ever do that in a million years, as doctors and family have been after me to get my tonsils removed for years, and I know if I ever go under they’ll secretly yank out my glorious tonsils like the cunts they are.

So yeah – fack.  It really sucks because I can’t sit down at all without being in tons of pain, so I went to my wonderful wife for sympathy.  “Honey”, I said.  “I have this huge lump on my ass crack.”  I should note that we were having a makeout session at the time – probably not the best turn-on.

Anyway she checks it out, saying stuff like “gross”, and I tell her it may be a cyst and have to go for surgery bla bla.  First thing she says?

“Good maybe they’ll pull your tonsils out at the same time,”

So Risto if you’re reading – next time you come over bring over a screwdriver or some pliers because we’re gonna pop this fucker ourselves.

And no – before anyone says it – I am NOT growing a fucking tail.

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