Well sorry for exposing you guys to stories about a pus-reeking abscess on my ass these last few days. Thankfully, the drama is over.
I wrote about how the fucking thing BURST on Sunday. Well I called the doctors, but the earliest appointment was in late June. God bless Canada, and your free health service. Sigh. So they told me to go to the hospital.
Long story short, I went in and I had a female doctor treat me. She made me get buck naked, then she basically kept squeezing all the pus out of it. It wasn’t very sore. At first. Then I made a wisecrack, which I just couldn’t resist. Something to lighten the mood, ya know? I said to her how funny it was; she had spent all those years in medical school, all that money just to become a doctor, and what did all that time, effort, hard work and money get her? Yeah, she get’s to squeeze a glorified zit on a Monday fucking morning.
If you told me that this chick had been bullied all her life, that she got a beating off her husband every day, that everyone mocked her on a regular basis, and she just repressed all that anger I would believe you. If you then told me that she took all that anger, and put it into every fucking squeeze she gave me for the next 10 minutes – yeah, I believe you. It went from “mild pain” to “pure fucking torture” within seconds of making that joke. Note to self: save the jokes until after the window of opportunity for dishing out pain is over.
Anyhoo hopefully that is the end of that. For all our sakes.