Canadian Affair Suck – Do not fly with them.

My mum comes over to Canada from Scotland twice a year, my sister once a year.  We usually book through Canadian Affair.  But after the problems we have suffered – never again.

I’ll quickly summarize this awesome series of events:

• On March 5th, we booked flights for my sister and mum to come over, at a total cost of almost 1000 pounds.
• My mum was flying over on May 23rd.  She got to the airport, plenty of time to spare, only to be told they had overbooked the flight, all seats were gone, and she couldn’t fly out.  They were very rude about it too.  Her boyfriend came in and started arguing, and finally they waited until everyone was on the plane, before miraculously “finding” a seat for her.   They said next time we should pre-book in advance the seats for about 20 pounds extra to 100% guarantee the seats.
• My sister was flying out May31st.  She called on May 25th to pre-book her seats.  They told her she couldn’t….because the flight was overbooked, and she wouldn’t be able to get on.  After much arguing, they “found” a seat for her.
• She shows up at Glasgow airport, in plenty of time, with a pre-booked seat.  What happens?  You guessed it – she can’t get on the plane because they’ve overbooked.

I am absolutely fucking livid right now, and I promise you there will be hell to pay for this.

The reeking anus of hell drama is over

Well sorry for exposing you guys to stories about a pus-reeking abscess on my ass these last few days.  Thankfully, the drama is over.

I wrote about how the fucking thing BURST on Sunday.  Well I called the doctors, but the earliest appointment was in late June.  God bless Canada, and your free health service.  Sigh.  So they told me to go to the hospital.

Long story short, I went in and I had a female doctor treat me.  She made me get buck naked, then she basically kept squeezing all the pus out of it.  It wasn’t very sore.  At first.  Then I made a wisecrack, which I just couldn’t resist.  Something to lighten the mood, ya know?  I said to her how funny it was; she had spent all those years in medical school, all that money just to become a doctor, and what did all that time, effort, hard work and money get her?  Yeah, she get’s to squeeze a glorified zit on a Monday fucking morning.

Oops.

If you told me that this chick had been bullied all her life, that she got a beating off her husband every day, that everyone mocked her on a regular basis, and she just repressed all that anger I would believe you.  If you then told me that she took all that anger, and put it into every fucking squeeze she gave me for the next 10 minutes – yeah, I believe you.  It went from “mild pain” to “pure fucking torture” within seconds of making that joke.  Note to self: save the jokes until after the window of opportunity for dishing out pain is over.

Anyhoo hopefully that is the end of that.  For all our sakes.

Ewwww

So yeah.  On Sunday, my cyst had turned into an abscess.

Now I read up on it, and the plan of action was to go to the doctors today(Monday) and get it checked out, and they’d most likely take a scalpel to it, and drain all the pus out of it.

During my reading, there was one thread on a forum where people were talking about how bad it smelt.  “Worst smell ever” was repeated numerous times.  One person said theirs burst, their cat smelt it, and was sick for three days.

And so of course – mine burst.

I was sitting on the couch playing the UFC game when I felt my ass crack be a bit wet.  So I stuck my fingers back there and sure enough – it had burst while I was busy making Huerta tap out to an armbar.

And I just had to smell it.

If someone tells you that something is the worst smell in the world – you just HAVE to smell it don’t you?  There’s no way you can go through life not knowing what that smell actually is.

So I did.

And they were right.

I can’t accurately describe how it smelt.  I will just say it was the most disgusting smell in the history of smells, and I wish I could go back to the innocent age, where a really ‘eggy’ fart was the worst thing I had smelt.

So yeah.  If your abscess bursts – don’t smell it.  That’s your life lesson for today.

A lump at the top of my ass crack!

So the other day I noticed I had a zit on my ass – to be entirely accurate, at the very top of my ass crack.

No biggie I thought, and made sure to wash extra hard in that area during my next showers.

Well unfortunately the zit didn’t go away.  It grew.  It has now grown in 3 days to the size if almost a golf fucking ball, has me in tons of pain, and I can’t even sit down anymore.  I can’t even lie on my back, which means I have to do work during sex 🙁

So yeah – it was getting a bit concerning.  So like any human being, rather than calling the doctor I google it.  Now when you google “lump on top of your ass crack” you don’t really expect there to be any relative results – but sure enough, there is a ton of webpages about it….

ON A SKIN CANCER WEBSITE.

Oh great I thought – I have fucking cancer, and it isn’t even the cool kind!  So anywy I click through, and based on what I read, lots of people get them, and it is actually a “pilonidal cyst”.

I read on treatment for it, assuming it actually is that, and apparently the only option is to go under general anesthetic and get fucking surgery.  I will never ever do that in a million years, as doctors and family have been after me to get my tonsils removed for years, and I know if I ever go under they’ll secretly yank out my glorious tonsils like the cunts they are.

So yeah – fack.  It really sucks because I can’t sit down at all without being in tons of pain, so I went to my wonderful wife for sympathy.  “Honey”, I said.  “I have this huge lump on my ass crack.”  I should note that we were having a makeout session at the time – probably not the best turn-on.

Anyway she checks it out, saying stuff like “gross”, and I tell her it may be a cyst and have to go for surgery bla bla.  First thing she says?

“Good maybe they’ll pull your tonsils out at the same time,”

So Risto if you’re reading – next time you come over bring over a screwdriver or some pliers because we’re gonna pop this fucker ourselves.

And no – before anyone says it – I am NOT growing a fucking tail.

Torturing Myself

I’m not really into Sadomasochism, but I really have been torturing myself this past week.

In the last 2-3 months I have barely played any XBox 360.  However in the last week two things happened which I have basically been counting the days down for months.  #1: The Broken Steel DLC came out for Fallout 3, meaning I could have my 2nd playthrough of it as bad guy finally.  #2: The UFC game for the XBox 360 came out.

To say I’ve been waiting for those two events woud be an understatement – I’ve had them marked on my calender, and got an alert on my Blackberry.  So after investing 10 hours into Fallout 3 on the weekend, then 2 hours on UFC when I got it on Tuesday……

I’m not playing them again for the rest of the week.

As much as I want to – I fucking ACHE, I YEARN, to play them – I’m using them as if they were a carrot dangling in front of me.  I want to play them so bad, but I refuse to play them until I get everything off my “urgent” to do list.  And by everything – that incudes 11 websites that are half in development and need to be finished.  That’s right – before I play either of these games again I have to get 11 new websites up and running.

Yeah.  Not fun.  But it keeps me motivated.  As I sit here coding away in wordpress or writing content, I just think about creating that Tank Abbott fighter in the UFC game and going to town on Brock, and it’s enough to keep me going, then once I get that done I will have 3 days of nothing but video games.

That’s pretty much why I haven’t written much lately.  I’ve had a lot to write about – but pretty much all my focus is on these websites and my work as a whole.